Hakuna Matata! I AM THE BIG BOSS – ehe ko munorwadziwa nei? Kana mukarwadziwa neni manje hamupore – in fact kana ukarota uri kuG40 warota uchitonga muka ubike doro uti ko mudzimu wandirashirei kwaaaaaaaaaa.
Complements of the new season maCde! We thank God for the gift of life – as you are well aware that one of us will turn 93 years not so far from now. Ndokuchengetwaka uku naMwari.
Mapombi managed to come up with few resolutions for the New Year, and dai zvaibvira I would want to forget the year 2016 as soon as possible. After the Zanu PF 16th national people's conference – by the way is it still people's conference? Anyway, that will remain to be seen.
Whether it was Gushongo 40 (G40) conference or Team Lacoste, I resolved that I should quit politics, with immediate effect. Zvepolitics ini handichada. It's better I concentrate on looking for accommodation, which is one of my resolutions this year, so that I leave the filthy Dr Grace Mugabe Trading Centre where I survive on rotten bananas. Honestly, what's the logic of endorsing a centurion to lead the country? Are we crazy, docile, stupid or ignorant? Harahwa shuwa? I'm baffled!
Anyway, I shouldn't get worried with the resolution which was pushed by G40 because they shot themselves pasi petsoka chaipo. They thought if they endorsed President Mugabe to contest elections next year they would have blocked Mnangagwa who is being seconded by Team Lacoste to take over from the seemingly tired Gushungo. Kwabviwa kure musharukwa!
But it seems like Ngwena is on top of the situation. The Croc is running the show. Of course kunzi pakata handi kunzi ridza but believe you me, Ngwena iri kutoridza manje. Popopopopopopo chaiyo! Mapombi is afraid the Croc might remain in charge forever!
Kkkkkkk ndopowotoona G40 ichirwadziwa necup yakanyorwa kunzi I am the boss kkkkkk wake up Jonso, Tyson and dread – it's high time you smell the coffee from the cup. Mind you Mapombi is a gentleman handivanze – Ngwena is indeed the boss at least for the moment. Aenda nechinhu muchinda uyu.
But the caliber of ministers we have so ka God forbid - how can a cup inscribed 'I am the boss' be treasonous? Nhai Professor Jonathan 'Robin Wood' Moyo how can that be? Chokwadi a mere cup kubva yatoita noise yakadaro? Can't you see Mnangagwa is the boss anyway – kuenda kundoviga gamba kuNational Heroes Acre which is normally a preserve of Mugabe hakusi kutonga ikoko?
Mapombi doubts the quality of Doctors and Professors in Zanu PF and because of that my second resolution is that I will not further my education anymore. Iwo maPhD ava kuitiwa nethree months kkkkkkkk inga abooka madoctorate aya. On that note, by my new year resolution kuitawo GMO ye PhD this year so that mozondidana muchiti Dr Mapombi kkk.
By the way, it reminded me of our good Dr Amai – I heard she is well above the law. I read she refused to vacate properties she invaded, over $1,4m diamond ring money iri kutadza kudzoswa. Please help me I might be lagging behind because kwedu kuchitima uku toverenga manewspapers anenge atotengerwa kuputira ma tomatisi and vegetables so some of the news would be stale.
Kkkkkk asi Grace so ma1. But Mapombi will not blame her because it's a culture she grew up in – muZanu PF mune corruption inotyisa. Why should we blame Dr Amai when others looted $15 billion masikati machena. Ko Obert Mpofu the former Mines Minister uripiko these days?
Ah it's almost lunch time let me go ndindokanga hangu maputi angu for lunch. But before I go, I have a word for Ngwena – I mean the big boss. Your utterances in Bikita last week where you threatened violence – that was not good, real leaders are are not like that! You risk derailing your ambitions by such utterances. It is now clear that Team Lacoste, which is furthering your interests is a violent faction – Mahofa threatens violence and Hungwe threatens to unleash soldiers on innocent citizens. We don't tolerate violence and the recent developments made us to think kuti zvese zvaunopomedzerwa zveGukurahundi ndizvo. You are surrounded by violent people and what assurance do we have that you will be a peaceful leader? Watchout Croc otherwise a peaceful G40 is far much better than vanhu vanoda kurova vabereki vedu.
But this time try it and you will regret - kana Joice Mujuru akaenda kuhondo akandowisa ndege kkkk why not iniwo Mapombi handiti tiri vakadzi tese. Pasi nemhandu; Pasi nemhanduu-uu; Pasi neviolence! I rest my case.