12 Jan 2018 - Ladies and gentleman, I am enjoying the new dispensation to the fullest. Not that there are any meaningful changes to the economic woes we are facing as a nation but simply because it's a life without Mugabe – mudhara uya waindikataza ini ndochokwadi mundiregererewo ipapo. Waiita kusvonga, kushabwabwa senge shuma dzisina kuibva zvakanaka.
But the new era is full of comedians; I mean real comedians who can scoop awards kana vakada zvavo kukwikwidzana nanaGonyeti at the stage. I never thought a whole family can be made up of comedians kubva kuna baba kusvika kuna mai. But ava amai vanozonyanya Grace aiva kuseri chaiko.
Mapombi would like to start by warning baba Mnangagwa that people of Zimbabwe are not stupid at all. The current arrests of politicians accused of corruption and abuse of office is a welcome development and we are following it with keen interest.
But since the arrests begun Mapombi noticed that only those from rival Generation 40 (G40) faction are being arrested while those from Team Lacoste are being exonerated. People have made a lot of noise about ministers like Mpofu, Parirenyatwa and Mandiwanzira but because ndevedu havabatwe. We have again noticed that all powerful posts arikungopiwa Midlands, Mberengwa to be specific, which people again, are not happy about.
But I wish if my surname was a Moyo I'm sure Mnangagwa zvingadaro akangondiwanirawo kwekundikanda kuti ndidye zvangu mari. Mr President has shown, beyond doubt, his love for the Moyos kuti July Moyo, Isaac Moyo, Elson Moyo, S.K Moyo, S.B. Moyo neuyazve umwe Moyo uya. Wozodeyi?
Mapombi is seriously considering changing her surname from Mapombi Adonha to Mapombi Moyo. Munotoseka asi pamwe zvichandibatsira mukandiwana ndava panyanga one day. From today onwards call me Mapombi Moyo.
The only advantage Mnangagwa has is that he will compete against a useless MDC Alliance which is at catch 22 situation because of Tsvangirai's ever deteriorating health. Kana akasvika kusarudzo achigona kungofamba chete chokwadi munochiona naMorgan. With the way these guys are arresting politicians on factional lines and countless the blunders they are making, munoshagadwa zvenyu mukabvuma naye Morgirls.
Now to my sister Auxillia, madam first lady. Mapombi is beginning to think pane kamwe kamweya kanongobata the moment one is called first lady. Auxillia was so cool when she was the MP for Chirumhanzu – Zibagwe for over two years now but the moment she became first lady haaa dzvatsvatsva rani iroro.
She is just everywhere and she likes publicity too much. There is nothing wrong about enjoying good publicity but too much of it, especially pasina zvine musoro zvinotaurwa kana zvinenge zvaitwa is very dangerous. You can win the hearts of people by a stage-managed act of buying tomatoes and oranges by the roadside. If you were not buying mangoes and tomatoes from the streets all along, why now mava first lady nhai sisi? Simply because you want publicity and the guys from that Zanu PF-controlled television are always assigned to follow you? An outrageous waste of resources indeed.
I heard you came to Boroma orphanage in Zaka and you brought Chicken Inn and bottled water among few other goodies; kkkkkk madam first lady why waste a lot of money buying Chicken Inn for the orphans instead of starting an income generating project for them. How about drilling a borehole? Poultry or piggery projects?
They enjoyed eating that good food for that day only but now they are facing the same problems as before. It could have not been an issue if you had done an income generating project for them so that they can sustain themselves but kungouya kuzodya zvikafu zvonaka mobva motoenda hazvibatsireba.
Anyway, my sister I just want to urge you that take it easy – bhora pasi mudenga ndemeshiri nendege. We can easily predict that tomorrow you will be visiting either a hospital or an orphanage. Dzikamai amai. Asi iye Mavhaire haana kukwana shuwa, hanzi Pesvunemago kkkk. Ungapa first lady zita remadunhurirwa iwe? Apa Grace ndiwe wakamutumidza kuti Marujata futi. Nazokuona kuti hauna kudzikama Dzikamai.
But Mapombi will not hesistate to tell the first lady that very soon people will begin to talk kuti hapana musiyano naGrace apa. It's just that umwe anga agarisa ava kudziirwa and umwe achiri kungosvika haasati adziirwa. Just wait and see kana vagarisa havo pauFirst Lady ipapa chokwadi Grace anogona kuita nani. And Mapombi just wonders how things would be like especially if it becomes a tag team of first lady and VP Chiwenga's lady hohohoo hehehedaaa huriii chokwadi kunofiwa.
Or we should give her doctorate (PhD) just like Grace kuda vangagarisika. Yes, we should recognise her philanthropic work of going around visiting hospitals and orphanages as well as buying mangoes and tomatoes by the roadside. UZ please assist us on this one the same way you did to Grace. Ko zvombonetsa here just three months you will be doctor.
Mapombi will not go into detail on that one otherwise I lest I risk being put under house arrest. By the way, would it be even house arrest kana wakaitawo seni uchigara kuchitima where you survive on rotten bananas and maputi? Maybe it would be a market arrest kkkkkk. Ndiri kutamba hangu vana mukoma zvakaitwa Kudzi Chipanga zviye ini hangu ndiregerereiwo I am only a woman asinawo chaanoziva, a very poor one for that matter!
Mapombi is talking too much today; it's almost lunch time kana kumbozviona. Let me go ndindokanga hangu maputi angu for lunch. But before I go, did Mphoko manage to get the perks he was demanding? Kkkkkk that guy is something else. I once heard kuti zviuya hazviwanane but paya zvakawanana kwaaa. Mboko imboko!mapombi