And now Mapombi is almost certain why some wives of senior government officials are grabbing farms. I am sure you all heard that VP Chiwenga's wife Mary allegedly grabbed Arda farm; Mapombi strongly suspects that they want to grow marijuana. Panoda kutorimwa mbanje apa – by the way those who do not know pava nemutemo wakaiswa unobvumira kurima mbanje zviri pachena. Of course the license fee is pegged at $50 000, and the high fee was intentional kuituira kuti imi munotambura musatomboedza zvenyu kurima.
Marijuana is expensive on the market so some senior government officials are going to make cash imi varombo rimai donje ndokwenyu ikoko kuCotton. Mind you zvoto zvine mazera. I cannot wait to see Arda farm yakarimwa mbanje yese kkkkkkk gore rino tichaonesa. Pamberi nekurima mbanje!
But jokes aside; let us move from the mbanje issue to even a more serious one – the Zanu PF primary elections that were held over the weekend. Mapombi would like to pass my condolences to Cdes Oppa, Chinamasa, Lunga, Mushowe and the Mutsvangwas for the untimely and unforeseen defeat by young turkeys – I would not want to call them G40 for obvious reasons.
Many heavyweights who were defeated are regretting ever allowing uncle Bob to go, im very sure. Bob has been protecting these comrades but the truth is vanhu vanga vasisadiwe on the ground ava. They virtually failed and they should have gone together with Mugabe last year. It's not too late though; hamba kahle maCdes!
Mapombi, however, is a gentleman handivanze ini. This year's Zanu PF primary elections were the worst ever in the history of the party – they were punctuated with cheating, delays, intimidation and threats. Mapombi heard kunana Chegutu uko dzakarira pfuti. It was chaotic to say the least.
I must say Saviour Kasukuwere was a far much better Political Commissar (PC) than junta. Kkkkkkk junta rakaremerwa nenjuga apa zvimwe bvumaiwo. Zanu PF is different from barracks where command is used uku kune vanotodziya musoro chaiko who will defy even a former army general. Kkkkkkk Liet Gen (Rtd) Rugeje muriko here kkkkkkkk. I rest my case otherwise ndinoswera zvangu ndadumbirwa ndikatotadziswa kudya some rotten bananas nemaputi angu asina nzungu. Cde Rugeje makapakura mbwezhu apa. It reminds Mapombi of Oliver Mtukudzi's song – 'Mapakura mbodza'.
But that was the worst General. Mapombi is sure that it is something our learned Gen would want to forget. Mapombi heard the soldiers are influencing who should win in some constituencies – I heard they want Zvobgo Jnr in Masvingo Urban and as a result there will be a re-run in Ward 10 inova ndoine 4 Brigade so that they will do justice to Cde Mazarire who was announced winner a few days ago.
Mapombi know the reason why soldiers are ditching a former soldier (Rtd Major Mazarire) for Zvobgo Jnr – I have the details kana muchida huyai kuChitima Market ndikuudzeyi. Of course you have to persuade me with some rotten bananas and maputi. Mapombi can safely tell you that we are likely going to witness a dramatic change of figures mavhoti aZvobgo achiwedzera aMazarire achishota. Just watch the space. For now those who back Mazarire you can celebrate but it won't last long if what my sources are telling me is true.
Kkkkkk but Zanu PF ndomhani manje. Mapombi can literally say there was no election that took place in Zaka East. Yes, there was no election to talk about. Some of the candidates who were approved to contest had their names missing on the ballot paper apa vaidiwa sei nevanhu, and as a result people boycotted, while others demonstrated. The electorate wanted Clemence Chiduwa, some want Talent Chivange and others were behind Chiremba Mamutse. Surprisingly Chiduwa and Mamutse were not on the ballot paper but were approved and were campaigning as a team with Gavaza and the little known Gumbwanda.
People of Zaka East showed their anger and frustration by voting for the little known Gumbwanda. Mapombi can safely tell you that this seat for rthe first time will be won by MDC-T. Unless there is a re-run I can bet with the last drop of my blood kuti MDC-T ine one seat so far.
Masvingo South was even worse. Kkkkkkk but sando kuna Beritha and Simbanegavi in Gutu – zvimhamha zveElection. Mapombi heard Murwira and Mlambo vakarohwa nezveusiku kkkkkk zvekuzviti hee-e tiri maCIO tinobata detail rese ndezvekunyeperana zviya unojutiwa netumai twemumaraini wakatarisa kudai kkkkk. But Mapombi can see the hand of a man apa; probably a chief whip because ummm chiregai ndinyarare.
Hopefully there will be re-run in these constituencies were red flags have been raised so that the best candidate can win. Handizvo here nhai Gavaza? Kkkkkkkkk
It's almost lunch time guys let me go ndindokanga hangu maputi angu for lunch. But before I go, Mapombi heard that Uncle Bob vari kunakidzwa with these results especially the fall of big wigs. Hanzi mati Oppa adyiwa? Mutsvangwa nemukadzi vadyiwa futi? Mushowe mati adonhera pasi zvakare? Ko uyu Langa mati adonhedzwa Kkkkkkk. Uncle Bob is just in cloud nine. And so is Phelekezela Mphoko. Mapombi heard Mugabe and Grace will soon embark on national tour addressing people kuNPF uko kkkkkkk kunofiwa rwendo rwuno. Ichoooooo…Ichoooooo…Ichooooo. Mboko imboko!