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» » Come back to me Kazungula, I love you


Chii chati go mudondo go, chii chati go mudondo go, imbwa dzangu dzakapera go, kwangosara Samachena go, chii chati goo mudondoo?! That old folk song that my Karanga ancestors sang for centuries, and which was later recorded by Mukanya back in the 1980s. Kkk asi Mapfumo so, zvimwe zvinhu zvadzomboimba ka. Hanzi Heee hiye herere hiye, nyoka musango kkkk. Ndochii ichocho nhai? Varungu kutotamba rwuyo rwakadaro kuAmerica kwaari Mukanya uko. Inga zvakaoma! Anyway, I never knew that age-old folk song Chii chati go mudondo would have so much meaning in this year 2021. Ndosaka zvakanzi usashora mbodza neinozvimbira. Tiri kumaona magandanga kuMozambique uko, ndo go mudondo yacho yaitaurwa ka iyoyo. Imagine those terrorists overrunning the town of Bindura as they overran the town of Palma in northern Mozambique a few weeks ago. That’s too ghastly a tragedy to contemplate. But I am pleased that isu imbwa dzedu hadzina kupera, Samachena tinayo nedzimwe dzose dzinoruma ungati dzakatemerwa mangoromera. Kana kuti dzakafembeswa mhiripiri inopfungaira muchainga kkkk. Don’t even try it you terrorists, otherwise you would learn the hard way that Zimbabwe is not to be fooled around with. We are proud of boys’ and girls’ capability to defend the country from both internal and external threats and that’s for real. Pererai kuMozambique ikoko and be careful munogona kuvingwa ikoko mumanyiswe muchinowira muIndan Ocean. All of you will be shot dead, and not at 450 kkk. Did you hear about kaZungula ladies and gentlemen? I mean that 129m-long new bridge which straddles the Zambezi River to link Botswana and Zambia. Ehe, it links Botswana and Zambia and bypasses Zimbabwe. Heyii vakomanaka, ungati takaroyiwa neakafa kkk. The initial designs of the bridge were such that it would straddle Tswana, Zimbabwean and Zambian territories but thanks to the intransigence and empty arrogance of that old devil Mugabe we lost out. Now takungoenda kuofficial opening yeKazungula takapeta muswe senge Samachena yahwa chati go mudondo iyo ichingori yoga kkkk. Hanzi naMasisi Zimbabwe irimowo muchirongwa. Hezvo! Tirimo chirudzii iro bridge riri renyika mbiri? OK ngatingoti tirimo, just like any other Sadc country. Kana Lesotho irimowo. That’s exactly what happens when you are ruled by a corrupt cabal with no vision but selfish interest alone. They wanted to protect that hellhole of a border called Beitbridge where corrupt Zimra and Zinara do as they please. They thought there was no alternative for Sadc road freight trade outside of Beitbridge, and now Kazungula is a lost lover who can’t be recovered kkk. You see, they have no vision. But I don’t mean ED kkk. ED anayo vision yake, Vision 2030! Ko pane asingaizivi here iyo iri kungoimbwa pose-pose kudai. Sekuimbwa kwaingoitwa ZimAsset makore aya. Kana sekuimbwa kwaiitwa Chii chati go mudondo nemadzitateguru angu. By the way where is Tambaoga? Somebody please tell him to compose a jingle on Vision 2030. Iyo Zinara yakaoma vakomana, an equivalent of US$50 licence for a small car per term. Ahh! Kozoti iya yavanokumanikidzai kubhadhara kwahi hee heee insurance. Ndeyeiko isurence yacho? Before Mapombi dropped out of school, she had learnt in the Commerce subject that insurance kuda kwako, kwete zve force matter zvakuitwa kuvehicle insurance izvi. Mapombi is not that much educated yes, but she knows very well that many of the vehicle insurance companies are owned by the ruling cabal and their relatives, friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. Go and check at the companies registry if you doubt her, but bhasopu hauna zita rewaunoziva raunonowana ikoko kkk. Eheka ahh, pane angapusa zvekunyoresa-nyoresa zita rake pose-pose? Unonyoresawoka vanhuwo zvavo vasina kana nemusoro wese vokutambira front iwe zvako wozvidhlira chinyararire. So that you don’t unnecessarily raise eyebrows ka. You may find that there is a company or companies registered in Mapombi’s good name kkk. Ko ndo cover yacho zve. Regai tinyarare hedu isu vana Mapombi, tinoziveiwo hedu nezvedzidzo isu takagumira chikoro pazhira nekushaiwa fees. But Zinara must give us some value for our money, neyose yavatora pama tollgate iya. I heard some of their managers were giving each other thousands of dollars every month yekurukisana musoro kkkk. Since 2011 hama! Just imagine the looting at grand scale! But nothing surprising there, Zimbabwe has as much Toyota D4D and Isuzu D-Tech vehicles as those high-income economies as Germany and South Korea. By the way isu tiri kuda kuva chiiko neVision 2030 zviya? Upper-Middle Income Economy kkkk. Ko tinokwikwidza zve kkkk, pamamonya ipapo.  Ahh ko kutyei, Cde Mugabe vakatisiira nhaka zve kkkk. Ko ivo ndakahwa kuti voda kufukunyugwa ndizvo here? Kwahi Ishe Zvimba vakatodana Grace kudare kuti wakaviga mufi pasingatendegwi kkk. Haa madzishe awaka, inga hurumende inonogita madiro nawo. Kana nguva yaSmith ndozvavaingoitwa futi, zvaiva zvimbwasungata zvevarungu. Kana magemenzi avanopfeka aya, they were designed by the colonial regime. And nobody bothered to do a redesign after independence; as if to say colonial things are naturally better than our own. Remember I addressed the issue of Agribank, ah I mean AFC last time kkk. Kupererwa kusvika pakufunga kuti kusava kwaBob pachikomo chemagamba ndokuri kuita kuti zvinhu zvisakana munyika kkkk. Haa Bob akakutongai muupenyu nemurufu zvose. Makamuregerera achienderera mazuva amaifunga kuti ari kuita zvinhu zvakakunakirai. Hezvino nhasi nemutumbi wake wakaora kare wokushungurudzai. The likes of Mapombi will not be bothered by all this. We are just povo after all, with nothing to our name. I used to have hope that once CSC and Shabani Mashava Mine are reopened, I will get a job. But the hope has faded. I was told that reopening those mines is a pipe-dream which will never materialize. Makadzinga Mutumwa Mawere aizvigona. Asi Chinamasa ka, wakaondonga upenyu hevanhu wena. Kuparadza company huru yakadaro shuwa, pedzezvo woshaya chekuita official opening kusvika pakuvhura skip bin kwaRusape. Mukaita muchisvodawo baba imi mhani. As for me, I will never attend the official opening of anything except an upgraded Chimusana and Chilonga bridges. Ohh I forgot, even when they finally re-open CSC and Shabani Mashava Mines. For now let me get back to my plastic shack at Chitima and gather some rotten bananas for lunch. Kana iwo maputi anonaka sei muchando muno. Mboko imboko!

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